| Dear Martin,
You are not the first man whose wife wasn't happy when he wanted
to try anal sex. A lot of women are
less than ecstatic when presented with the idea of having something
penetrate their behinds. But all is
not lost - I do have some facts, and I have a couple very good friends
that do love anal sex!
Anal sex does NOT have to hurt. If you take things very slowly,
and use a lot of lubrication, it should
not be painful at all. It is all a question of allowing the
woman time to get used to each step so that her
sphincter muscle can relax. Pain only occurs if the muscle is not
relaxed and is forced open. The adult
anus, when relaxed, is capable of accomodating the average adult
penis without damage. If it hurts,
you're doing something wrong.
Why not take things slowly, step by step with your wife? One
night, while you are playing with her, try
putting a finger very lightly against her anus. Do NOT
try to insert the finger (unless she asks, of
course). Let it rest there, getting her used to the feeling.
The next time, try putting a lot of lube on
your finger and very gently pushing her anus open - do not try to
push your finger inside her at this
time. Just let her feel you open her ass a little way, and
get used to that.
Remember that if, at any time, your wife asks you to stop, respect
her feelings immediately and stop.
Talk with her later about her reasons - perhaps she was afraid.
If so, reassure her by letting her know
exactly what you wanted to do with her.
If your wife is comfortable so far, next time take a small dildo,
no more than half the width of your
penis, and gradually, while you are eating her pussy, open her anus
with it. After she has time to
adjust to this, try pushing it a little inside her. During
this entire time, keep eating her pussy or
masturbating her. If she does not tell you to stop, push the
dildo in a little more. After about one
minute, pull it out a little way and push it back in A LITTLE.
Always be VERY gentle with her. If she
is okay with this, try doing this a few times, going slowly and
gently.
If both of you are comfortable, and she is relaxed, try putting a
LOT of lube on your penis, and a
LOT of lube on her anus. Then gently place your penis against
her asshole, while still masturbating
her. Find a position, perhaps with both of you on your sides,
you behind her, where you can keep
stimulating her nipples and pussy. Also some women feel a
little claustrophobic when they first
have anal sex, and this way she will not feel trapped as she might
with you above her.
Leave your penis against her anus, exerting gentle pressure.
Speak to her reassuringly, and touch
her in ways that she enjoys. Do NOT suddenly force your way
into your wife's ass or it WILL hurt.
If you let her relax and get used to your penis pushing her rectum
open, once her muscle is relaxed,
you will feel the head of your cock pop inside of her ass.
This is NOT the time to start madly banging away! Move slowly
and gently, and keep treating her in
as loving and sexual a fashion as you were before entering her.
A little reassurance goes a long way.
Many women learn to love anal penetration because there are a LOT
of nerve endings in that area
(be sure to tell this to your wife!) and this can heighten her sexual
pleasure. Of course, it can be
even better if you are applying your lubricated fingers or a vibrator
to your wife's clit while you fuck
her ass.
You can keep things clean by using a condom. Or if she prefers,
your wife can take a light enema. Do
not have anal intercourse and follow it with vaginal intercourse.
The bacteria in the anus should not
enter the vagina. Other than that, practice makes perfect, so if
she's comfortable, let her pick the
position next time.
That's it! Good luck with your wife-
Love,
Nina |